


Never Have I Ever

by quellthefire



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And Tony of course doesn't believe it, Avengers Tower, Bruce is being a wet blanket, Drinking Games, Drunk Avengers, Multi, Nat and Clint are beings of pure chaos, Never Have I Ever, Steve had a WILD past, Thor just wants to drink, mention of past Stucky, mentions of explicit sex acts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 12:23:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19376632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quellthefire/pseuds/quellthefire
Summary: The Avengers participate in a little friendly team building exercise at Stark Towers. Which really just means getting blitzed on everything in Tony's liquor cabinets and playing Never Have I Ever. And poor Steve keeps getting made fun of for being the pillar of family values...





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> This is the very first Avengers fanfic I ever wrote, and it took me more than half a year to rework it and finally get it posted. So happy to finally be sharing this with y'all.

“No way, guys, this is gonna lead to half of you passed out drunk and the other half sober enough to remember the things you regret admitting to.” Bruce shook his head and backed away from the group. 

They had settled onto couches near a fireplace in Stark Tower, and there was a downright scary amount of alcohol collected on the coffee table in front of them. Enough to kill a small village. They’d already downed a third of it. Nat had even concocted a near lethal combination of alcohol to get Steve drunk. He was pretty sure there was actual rubbing alcohol in it, but he wasn’t about to question her methods. It tasted like pineapple, once you got past the scorching burn. He liked the taste of pineapple, so he tried not to think too hard about it.

“C’mon Bruce, it’s team building!” Clint couldn’t help but grin as he said it.

“Like those trust fall retreats! But with drinking!” Natasha added. 

Bruce scowled at the pair who were clearly not going to drop this, “There’s no way in hell I’m joining. Besides, Steve’s playing. How much fun can you have when Mr. Prim and Pure is part of it? No offense, Cap.”

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed, swallowing the sip of pineapple poison he’d just taken. “I’ll have you know I got into a lot of hijinks back in the day!” 

There was a beat of silence, and then everyone burst into laughter. “Sure Cap, you’re quite the debaucher,” Tony snorted, clapping him on the back. He gave a knowing wink that was pure sarcasm.

Steve’s face flushed and he tried to think of a good comeback. It wasn’t going well. He opened his mouth once, twice, apparently on the verge of speaking, but then thought better of it.

With a groan, Bruce waved dismissively as he made his way towards the kitchen “Have fun with your depravity. I’m gonna go finish up the dishes.” 

They stared after him, disappointed that their friend was so opposed to their antics. Nat took a swig from a humongous vodka bottle, the harsh liquor going down smoothly, and settled back into her seat, clearly annoyed.

Thor eventually broke the silence, declaring, “I require more drink!” and Natasha poured a generous helping of her vodka into his glass. He beamed with thanks. 

Tony cleared his throat, he was getting impatient and bored. Everyone was far too sober and clothed for his liking. “Shall we get this show on the road? Does everyone know the rules?”

“Yes!” Thor grinned, “We tell tales of our sexual exploits and drink!” He was proud of himself for his knowledge of Earth customs. 

“Not exactly,” said Clint. “You’re supposed to take turns saying, ‘‘Never have I ever, and then add something raunchy that you’ve done to complete the sentence. If you’ve done whatever it is, you’re supposed to take a drink. The goal is to get everyone else wasted while not getting yourself completely sloshed.”

Thor still had a proud smile “Yes, Clint, we drink! That’s all that matters.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes, muttering “Whatever, let’s get on with it.”

“I’ll start,” offered Clint. “Never have I ever… made out with a stranger.” He took a swig and looked expectantly around. Natasha and Tony drank, of course. Thor had to think about it for a moment and stared sadly at his vodka, wishing he could drink it. 

And out of the corner of his eye, Clint saw Steve take a sip. “Wow, guess you’re not as innocent as we thought, Cap.” There was a hint of pride in his voice.

“I told you guys, I’m not some Puritan trying to ruin the fun,” Steve said with an indignant look towards Tony.

“Calm down, we’re just teasing you,” replied Nat. “My turn. Never have I ever… had sex with someone more than 10 years older than me.” She and Steve were the only ones to drink. Thor was still staring longingly at his undisturbed drink, and Tony shrugged, “What can I say, I like them younger?” was his only response.

Natasha punched him playfully. “You’re such a lecherous old man Tony.” 

No one seemed to notice the heat rising in Steve’s face. 

“It’s one of my numerous charms,” Tony said with a wink. “Never have I ever… fucked a stranger in a bathroom.” He drank heartily as Clint and Steve joined him. “Damn Cap, who knew an elderly man like you could get it?” Clint was struggling to stifle his laugh as he spoke. 

Steve tipped his glass in Clint’s direction. “What can I say? People aren’t that different now compared to the 40’s.” He winked at Clint, which made the archer choke on his drink. Natasha had to slap him on the back a few times to help him breathe again. 

Meanwhile, Thor was downright pouting, staring longingly into his untouched drink, “Where is the fun? I don’t like this Earth game.” 

Clint coughed again, and then patted him on the arm consolingly “C’mon big guy, you’ll get a chance to drink.” Thor didn’t seem especially comforted by his words.

A soft mechanical whine came from the kitchen. Bruce had apparently finished loading the dishwasher and set it to run. He quickly moved on to vacuuming the hallway, the grating hum echoing into the cavernous room. 

Clint and Natasha shared a conspiratorial look, then burst into a fit of giggles. “Oh Bruuuce! Come play with us!” they shouted towards the hall in eerie unison. 

“I can’t hear you over the vacuum!” was the only response they got. 

Natasha yelled back, “Don’t be such a pussy!” as she and her best friend collapsed against each other, faces red from laughter and their growing drunkenness. 

“Why are you vacuuming?!” Tony yelled over the din. “This isn’t even your house!” 

“Still can’t hear you!” After a moment or two the mechanical rumble died out and they could hear Bruce putting the vacuum back in it’s spot in a closet. 

“Buzzkill!” Clint called after him, failing to stifle his giggles.

“Lemme see,” Clint scrunched up his face in exaggerated concentration. “Never have I ever slept with my best friend.” 

Nat groaned and rolled her eyes. “You fell asleep on me twenty minutes into the movie Up. You can’t keep telling people we slept together.”

“Hey now!” He jutted his chin out defiantly. “There was some definite under the blanket action if I recall correctly.”

Nat shoved him away playfully. “The only action you got was me wiping the drool off your face when you tried to snuggle up against me.”

“Still counts in my book,” Clint said, grinning and batting his eyelashes as she groaned again in reply. 

The game progressed, with Natasha and Tony drinking most rounds and Clint about half of the time. Thor had decided to just drink regardless. He hadn’t done any of the things his friends boasted of, save for the one about sex in a pool. He figured the Sea of Space was close enough to count.

To everyone’s horror and delight, Steve drank every single round. Tony, who had downed far more alcohol than even he usually drank, was getting increasingly more belligerent, insisting that Steve drop the act and stop pretending. Steve, to his credit, didn’t back down, and kept swearing there was a lot that Tony didn’t know about him. He was struggling to contain his laughter every time Tony reacted. Drunk Steve was like a little kid knocking over blocks. The more Tony got frustrated, the funnier it was.

“Like hell there is! There’s a whole museum exhibit dedicated to how wholesome you are. Now me, everyone expects me to have some wild stories, and I can back that up. You claiming to have hooked up with a guy is like saying Mother-fucking-Teresa had an extensive dildo collection or something. Who do you think you’re fooling?” Tony looked exasperated with his friend. The drunkenness had made him more confrontational than usual, and Steve was clearly enjoying getting a rise out of him. He just shrugged playfully and sipped his drink. 

They could hear a ding coming from the elevator and the dull sounds of footsteps on the Tower’s tile floor. 

Natasha rolled her eyes, “I guess we finally chased Bruce off? I was hoping he’d come back for the grand finale.”

“Oh well, my turn,” Steve said, feeling giddy. “Never have I ever been fisted by my best friend in an alleyway behind a movie theater.” He chugged the last half of his drink, beaming proudly at his fellow Avengers. 

Before anyone could respond, a new voice suddenly chimed in with a cheery tone, “Oh hey, Steve. Why are you telling them that story? I thought you still wanted to keep that a secret.” 

Tony whipped his head up as Bucky walked into the room. He couldn’t help but whisper, “What the fuck?” under his breath, eyes flickering back and forth between Steve and Bucky.

Bucky perched on the back of one of the couches behind Clint and Nat, who were staring up, mouths gaping at him. Steve smirked at his longtime friend. 

Bucky saw Steve’s proud expression, and continued on. “Yeah, remember? You made me swear to secrecy about that. Did you tell them about that foursome with the Thompson twins too? God, that was a great night. Or what about that time we snuck into that bathhouse in Greenwich Village? Man, you all should have seen the hungry looks on those guy’s faces when they saw our boy here. Gave a whole new meaning to the phrase America’s Ass that night.” He gave a mock salute in Steve’s direction.

“What. The. Fuck.” Tony repeated, louder, as the rest of the group burst into fits of drunken giddiness . 

“I think we can all agree Cap wins this game!” Nat shouted, gleefully raising her drink in the air, before bursting into a fit of giggles in Clint’s arms. 

Steve silently refilled his drink, ears red and a smile wide on his face, while Bucky continued to regale them with stories of their younger days.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed that ending! I certainly had fun writing it! 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos feed my hungry ego. xoxo
> 
> The fic was inspired by this post. (I tried to find the original post or even their tumblr account, but it appears to have been deactivated or deleted  
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=25uqsll)


End file.
